Regret is sticky, especially energetically. We can hold on to the “I wish I did this different,” or “Why did I stay with him/her for so long?”
We must accept ourselves. This is hard when we make a mistake or have a perceived failure. In truth, everything is a learning moment.
Relationships teach us to grow and accept.. Where else do we find challenges other than with people-partners, parents, siblings, friends, colleagues, supervisors, children, etc. We constantly are having to deal with varying opinions and feelings that don’t belong to us. Mostly, we want to please, to be liked. This is ingrained so deeply in us. It’s in our DNA. We wouldn’t have survived without being a part of the community. Historically, if one was excommunicated, it meant death. We strive to be liked. This can work for us in so many ways, but also it can be wounding.
One of my biggest lessons in life was realizing when to let go. I worked so much harder than people did for me in a number of relationships. If people aren’t ready to meet you where you are, then let them go. Below is an excerpt from Actor Anthony Hopkins. He does a wonderful job of saying what is so important to learn. When we let go and accpet, our regret and fear release as well.
From Anthony Hopkins: ”Let go of people who aren’t ready to love you yet! This is the hardest thing you’ll have to do in your life and it will also be the most important thing: stop giving your love to those who aren’t ready to love you yet. Stop hard conversations with people who don’t want to change. Stop showing up for people who are indifferent to your presence. Stop loving people who aren’t ready to love you. I know your instincts do everything to win the good mercy of everyone around you, but it’s also the impulse that will steal your time, energy and mental, physical and spiritual health. When you start manifesting yourself in your life, completely, with joy, interest and commitment, not everyone will be ready to find you in this place of pure sincerity. That doesn’t mean that you have to change who you are. That means you have to stop loving people who don’t want to love you yet. When you are excluded, subtly offended, forgotten or easily ignored by people you give time to, you don’t do yourself any favour by allowing them your energy and your life. The truth is that you’re not for everyone… And that not everyone is for you… That makes this world so special, when you find the few people you have friendship, love or a true relationship with… You will know how valuable that is… Because you have experienced what isn’t… But the more time you spend trying to make you loved by someone who cant… The more time you waste depriving the same connection… There are billions of people on this planet, and many of them will end up with you, on their level, with their vibration, from where they stand… But… The smaller you stay, involved in the privacy of people who use you as a pillow, background option, a therapist and a strategy for their emotional healing… More time you stay out of the community you wish for. If you stop showing up, you might be less wanted… If you stop trying, the relationship might stop… If you stop texting, your phone stays dark for days and weeks… Maybe if you stop loving someone, the love between you will dissolve… That doesn’t mean you ruined a relationship! That means all this relationship had was the energy that only you and you hire to keep it in the air. It’s not love. That’s attachment. That’s wanting to give a chance to those who don’t want it! The most valuable and most important thing you have in your life is your energy. Its not just your time because it’s limited… It’s your energy! What you give every day is what will become more and more in your life. It’s the ones you give time and energy that will define your existence. When you realize this, you start to understand why you are so impatient when you spend your time with people that don’t suit you, and in activities, places, situations that don’t suit you. You’re starting to realize that the most important thing you can do for your life, for yourself and for everyone you know, protect your energy stronger than anything. Turn your life into a safe sanctuary where only ” compatible ” people with you are allowed. You are not responsible for saving people. You are not responsible to convince them to be saved. It’s not your job to exist for people and give them your life, little by little, moment after the moment! Because if you feel bad or if you feel obliged; you are the root of all of this by your insisting, afraid they promise you the favors you won’t give them… It’s your only fact to realize that you are the loved one of your destiny and to accept the love you think you deserve. Decide you deserve a true friendship. Wait then… just a minute… And look how everything is starting to change…” – Anthony Hopkins