As a country, we are in a state of disillusionment right now. Has Covid changed your planned trajectory, your dreams and ideas about how life should be? Are you waking up wondering what the hell you’re going to do with your day, your partnership or your life?
As testing as disillusionment can be, it can be very positive as well.
When I worked as a counselor, I saw a high number of individuals and couples who were challenged with their lives and partnerships. The root issue of their problems often had to do with disillusionment.
Disillusionment begins with idealism, which isn’t a bad thing. Dreams, vision and ambition come out of idealism. In our late teens and twenties, we begin to dream of how we want our life to turn out—our ideal career and partner. We want x-number of children and money. We want to live here or there. We trust in these dreams. We project these dreams onto people and when the dreams don’t work out or fall apart, we can blame those same people. This is frequently played out in relationships. Some people never really ‘see’ their partner until their ideals crumble, their projection fades and then they’re left seeing the reality of their partner or friend’s behavior. Seeing your partner or friend for who they are is a good thing, although; at times difficult and disappointing.
Only when we can see the truth of someone or ourselves, can we or the partnership truly change.
Sometimes people don’t want to be disappointed so blind spots are developed. We don’t see the behavior or trait that everyone else sees. This includes ourselves. What are you not seeing about yourself? If you really want to be brave, ask someone who knows you really well. Ask, “What do you think I need to be aware of that needs to change?”
If you’re in a relationship (friendship, sibling, partner, work, etc.), are you the one who does all the heavy lifting? What if you’re the one that got things done and it wasn’t until things started to fall apart that you saw the one-sidedness in the relationship. Disillusionment can be frightening and exhausting but also life changing.
Now is a good time to re-evaluate. It’s a good time to look at yourself and be accountable. Maybe you’re not the same person you were when you first developed those ideals. Maybe your partner or friend isn’t the same person but you projected their old image and kept it that way, even though they evolved or de-evolved?
This time in Covid has brought about all sorts of disillusionment and accountability. Look at what’s happened with BLM and the protests. I’ve seen so many people wake up to their circumstances, their skin color and the complicity as a nation. I’m seeing people wake up to how they view and treat Earth, and each other for that matter. People are making changes to this affect.
In this time of Covid and sheltering, we are dealing with large amounts of ‘empty time.’ Time which was normally filled up with tasks and work, taking care of children and paying the bills. Now we’re left with ourselves. We are having to look at what we created. Many people aren’t liking what they’re seeing. How did I get here? Conversely, many people are looking at themselves and are proud of who’ve they become. But what if you’re in the former and not the latter, what to do?
First- disillusionment happens to everyone. Mid-life crisis is usually a result of disillusionment. It’s because we go, go, go and don’t pay attention to what is nagging us. I certainly relate to this. I’ve had so much disillusionment, that I often think of writing a book on it. Life changes. Life throws curve balls, which can change our trajectory and throw us off-course from our dreams. You have to find the new normal. You have to move into a place of acceptance, or not. If you don’t, you stay in resistance and that will keep you stuck. People can stay in a state of disillusionment for years and years. If you accept (and this can be hard because you don’t like the circumstances) then you can move forward.
Depending on the curve ball, say a death of a loved one, or a disease, separation/divorce or losing a job—all of these can cause disillusionment. Once the shock wears off, you have a choice of accepting or denying. That’s the very first step. Accept…wait for the reality to sink in, accept more and acclimate. Do this over and over until you can find some level of comfort. Find your new normal. Once that is taking shape, then you begin to look at how you played a role in the disillusionment. Some curve balls have nothing to do with your behavior but land in your lap anyway. These can be the hardest. But if you played a role, then what was it and how can you change?
Second step-move forward. Take baby steps into this new direction in life. If you’re starting a new relationship but with the same partner or with a new one, hold compassion for yourself as you or your partner tries to change. Rising from disillusionment takes time. If you realized you’ve been in the wrong career or for too long, take time in accepting how far you’ve come and map out the steps you need to take on something different. Some of you may have been thrown into this scenario. Some of you may actually love your career but it’s now gone due to economy. Disillusionment is about releasing control. If you can, I invite you to try to release as much control and allow new life to come in. When we let go and accept, new doors swing open. This level of trust takes courage. What is the alternative? Resentment. We can live in bitterness for years and self-indulge in pity.
I encourage you to look at the possibility of disillusionment in your life. Sometimes we’re in it but we don’t know we’re in it. Are you disappointed? If so, then you’re probably suffering from fallen expectations, which in another word is disillusionment. If we hold goals and let go of expectations, we minimize disillusionment and projection. If we see our life as a work in progress until we die rather than trying to get to the finish line than we minimize disappointment and disillusionment. Hold compassion for yourself and hold pride for all you’ve accomplished thus far. Hold courage. Be supportive and ask for guidance if you need it. Earth is stating-“Now is the time for change. Now you must be accountable.”
Almost always, I see positive change from realizing disillusionment.
Intensive Group Healing Series begins August 18th to September 17th every Tuesday and Thursday from 6:30 to 7:30pm. This series is focusing on clearing the physical body of density. The major organs (brain, heart, lungs, liver and kidneys), immune system, blood sugar and overall balance in health is the focus along with clearing density in the spine which can prevent optimal brain health.
The session is an hour-long meditation in which I’ll do the clearing. You need to allow up to four weeks post series to allow the density to fully release.
The cost is $498. I can take payments as well. Please contact me if you’re interested.
Group Healing on Saturdays at 10am pacific time on zoom. This is donation based through Covid. Pay what you can afford but I ask that you pay something, otherwise I’m doing the heavy-lifting.
Here is the zoom link:
Meeting ID: 238 180 3563
You can sign up and pay here:
Thank you for hanging in there and reading this. I hope it serves you.